There’s nothing like a new baby to really excite your family.
Except for your toddler, that is.
From their perspective, your toddler suddenly has a tiny intruder stealing all of their attention. It’s normal for toddlers to react to a new baby by displaying some dramatic behavioral changes.
Here’s the thing…
Many of these behaviors are perfectly normal and expected. But some are actually red flags that you should seek professional help for. Understanding which is which, is something every parent needs to know.
Let’s take a closer look at why toddlers act up after a new baby and how you can help.
What you’ll pick up:
- Why Toddlers Act Out After New Baby
- Normal Toddler Behavioural Changes You’ll Experience
- Toddler Behaviors That Are Cause For Concern
- How To Help Your Toddler Adjust To A New Baby
Why Toddlers Act Out After New Baby
It all comes down to routine and attention.
Prior to your newborn arrival, your toddler was probably used to having one (or both) parents fairly readily available to them. They had a set routine they were used to.
When a new baby comes along, both of those things change. There’s a tiny new person dependent on you for everything. All of a sudden you’re feeding, holding, and changing the new baby day and night.
If your partner works outside of the home or you don’t plan on fully breastfeeding, having a postpartum nanny take care of the baby can help your toddler adjust. They can focus on giving your toddler attention and help your newborn settle into their new routine.
While most families will have multiple children at some point, the statistics aren’t quite as high as you might think. Only about 80% of kids grow up with siblings.
But among that 80%:
Children between the ages of 18 months and three years old have the most difficulty adjusting to a new baby.
They don’t have the developmental awareness to know what’s going on. All they know is that their life has been upended and they aren’t happy about it.
The silver lining? If you know why toddlers act out after a new baby, it makes the whole process a lot easier to manage.
Normal Toddler Behavioural Changes You’ll Experience
Believe it or not, not everything is cause for concern.
Toddler behavioral problems after a new baby are normal, and a lot of the things you’ll experience are to be expected.
These are the normal behavioral changes you should expect after your toddler meets their new sibling:
- They regress back to babytalk and behaviors. Asking for a bottle, crawling on the ground, babytalk. These are all normal behaviors as they try to compete with the new baby.
- Sleep regressions are normal. Bedtime might become harder, with crying and fussing. They struggle with separation anxiety now that you’re spending more time with the baby.
- Unexpected “accidents” can happen if your toddler was already potty trained. This behavior isn’t acting out. They’re simply reacting to the stress of the new baby.
There are going to be tantrums. There will be tears. But overall, these are perfectly normal reactions from your toddler.
Research also shows that firstborn children experience more behavioral and emotional problems when transitioning to having a sibling.
That study showed increases in anxiety, sleep troubles, withdrawal, and aggressive behavior.
But the good news is…
These so-called toddler problems typically only last between two to six weeks.
Their brains are still developing, and this is their way of processing what’s happened. With patience and attention, they’ll bounce back.
Toddler Behaviors That Are Cause For Concern
As with anything to do with parenting, there is a list of red flags that signal you may need to seek professional help.
If your toddler is still displaying these behaviors months after the new baby’s arrival, then it’s time to speak to their pediatrician.
These are behaviors that may be cause for concern:
- Aggression: Hitting, biting, and intentionally hurting the new baby is not OK. Again, toddlers are still learning how to manage their emotions and behavior. But if your toddler tries to hurt their new sibling, that’s something that needs to be addressed quickly.
- Withdrawing into themselves: If your toddler goes quiet and refuses to play with others, it could signal that something more is going on. Lots of fussing and resistance to everything are red flags.
- Extreme sleep issues: Most toddlers will eventually adapt to their new routine. But if your toddler is still waking up throughout the night months after the baby’s arrival and you’ve tried everything, it’s time to talk to a professional.
- Loss of skills: Toddlers are going to lose some skills because they act like babies in front of the new sibling. But if your toddler completely loses skills they once had for more than a few weeks, then something may be wrong.
Behavioral red flags are common and expected. But if the behavior is severe, continues for a long duration of time, or is escalating, it’s time to talk to a professional.
Your pediatrician will be able to point you in the right direction.
How To Help Your Toddler Adjust To A New Baby
This is the million-dollar question that every parent wonders about.
You know your toddler is going to act up in some way. But how can you prepare them for life with a new sibling?
The answer is simple: Don’t wait for the problems to start. Be proactive.
- Maintain their routine. Keep eating, sleeping, and waking times as close to the same as possible. Having a regular schedule helps toddlers feel secure.
- Give them your attention. Carve out at least 10-15 minutes a day to focus entirely on your toddler. Let them pick the activity and shower them with attention.
- Validate their emotions. Don’t tell your toddler how they feel. Say things like “we know it’s hard to share mommy when a new baby comes” to help them better understand their emotions.
- Include them when possible. Help your toddler bond with their new sibling by allowing them to help with tasks. Bring the baby’s nappies, “feed” the baby with bottles of water, or allow them to gently pat the baby.
- Don’t punish regressions. As mentioned before, toddlers losing their skills isn’t them being naughty. Don’t punish them for acting like a baby. Instead, praise them when they do the right thing.
- Accept help. If you have family members or friends who are able to help out, allow them to. Having another set of hands will help you be there for your toddler, and your newborn.
It won’t happen overnight, but these tips will help your toddler adjust to a new sibling.
Pulling It All Together
So many parents struggle with toddler behavioral problems after a new baby. They don’t understand why their toddler is suddenly screaming, crying, and throwing tantrums.
There’s nothing you can do to stop your toddler from acting up after your newborn arrives. But that doesn’t mean you’re powerless to fight it.
The best thing you can do is maintain their routine, give them attention, and be patient.
As long as the behavior isn’t escalating or causing harm to someone else, they’ll get over the initial shock of a new sibling.
But if you do notice any of the red flags mentioned above, don’t ignore them. Contact their pediatrician and see what they suggest you do.
You know your toddler better than anyone. Trust your instincts, and everything should be fine.